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Joshua Stephens | Jan 13

The Second Worst Cigar I Ever Smoked; A Story About Cigars, Ego, and Brotherhood

We did it.

Well… some of us did.


Although it was borderline medieval torture, Shaun finished The Woody by Oscar, a 21x80 Honduran puro that takes somewhere between four and seven business days to smoke, depending on lung capacity and will to live. Patrick from Halfwheel clocked it at seven hours. Shaun looked like he’d aged seven years.


Me?

I made it twenty-five minutes.


Getting the thing lit required lungs forged in a CrossFit volcano. Someone produced a blowtorch like we were welding farm equipment. Even with all the right tools at my disposal, my head started pounding, my eyes watered, and my soul quietly whispered, “You don’t have to prove anything to these people.”


Then came the draw.

Or lack thereof.


After enough wheezing to qualify for a medical study, Shaun handed me his sacred relic: the PerfecDraw.


Now, one thing you should know about Shaun, the man loves cigars. Knows cigars. Owns cigars. Has gadgets for his gadgets. If cigars had a Costco membership program, he’d be platinum.


He calmly explains, “You gotta be careful with this thing, or you’ll punch through the wrapper and ruin the cigar.”


Naturally, I immediately ignored him.

Point. Center. Push.

Ten seconds later, my cigar turned into a flute.

A clean, glorious hole straight through the side.

Was I mad?

Nope.

I was relieved.


I tossed that log of suffering into the abyss, reached into my humidor, and lit something balanced… intentional… humane.


And I sat there smiling while everyone else committed to their bad decisions like war veterans.


I won’t lie…watching grown men suffer through a novelty cigar while I enjoyed myself was carnally refreshing.


And that’s when it hit me:

I didn’t want to smoke The Woody.


I wanted the idea of smoking it.

The story.

The photo.

The bragging rights.

The “remember when we survived this” badge.


Somewhere along the way, the experience became less about enjoyment and more about endurance.

Less about flavor…more about flexing.

Less about connection…more about completion.


It wasn’t a cigar meant to be enjoyed.

It was a cigar meant to be conquered.

And we do this with life all the time.


We romanticize things from a distance:

The job.

The title.

The relationship.

The lifestyle.

The business.

The version of ourselves we think we’re supposed to become.


We picture the highlight reel. The applause. The moment at the top of the mountain.


Nobody daydreams about:

The headaches.

The nausea.

The tools just to make it barely functional.

The quiet realization at hour three that you chose wrong.


Sometimes the dream is real.

Sometimes the dream is just a 21x80 mistake wrapped in good marketing.


Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

Quitting the wrong thing is often braver than finishing it.


Punching that hole felt like failure for three seconds.

Then it felt like freedom.


I reached into my humidor and grabbed something balanced. Something thoughtful. Something made with intention. Something that didn’t require suffering just to prove a point.


And suddenly everything was good again.

The reason I smoke cigars in the first place came back.

It’s about smoking the right thing.

The cigar that invites you to stay.

Not survive.


The kind that doesn’t dare you to endure…

but asks you to slow down.

Because there’s a difference between:

“I finished it.”

and

“I enjoyed it.”


Life’s too short to confuse the two.

Sometimes wisdom looks like grit.

Sometimes it looks like a hole in the side of a cigar, and the humility to choose better.


And here’s the truth:

There’s no medal for suffering through bad cigars.

No parade.

No sash.

No secret society whispering, “Thank you for your service.”


The real win?

Putting it down.

Lighting something better.

And rejoining your people.

Laughing while your buddies stubbornly commit to the bit.

Borrowing tools you don’t know how to use.

Roasting each other for rookie mistakes.


Watching grown men debate draw resistance like it’s constitutional law.

Not perfection.

Not endurance.

Not luxury cosplay.


Just shared smoke.

Shared stories.

Shared moments.


Preferably over something enjoyable.

And if you ever turn your cigar into a woodwind instrument along the way…


Welcome to the brotherhood.

Light Up & Lean In,

Joshua Stephens

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Born in 1983, I grew up during a strange and wonderful time to be alive.


I remember summer mornings when parents encouraged you to leave the house and didn't expect to see you again until the streetlights came on. Nobody had Ring cameras. Nobody was posting

neighborhood warnings on Facebook. We weren't worried about the "big bad wolf" down the street. We had one family phone hanging on the kitchen wall...unless your parents were absolute ballers and paid for a second phone line.


Weekends were spent at sleepovers. We'd roam the aisles of Family Video or Blockbuster looking for the perfect movie. If we got lucky, we'd stop by Little Caesars next door and grab a Bigfoot Pizza before heading back to somebody's house.


Late nights meant MTV, TRL, Beavis and Butt-Head, and Twisted Metal tournaments that felt like they carried the weight of the world. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness played through cheap speakers while we argued over who cheated and who got robbed.


Then, seemingly overnight, everything changed.


Dial-up.

24k modems.

The internet exploded.


Half my childhood happened before the online world. The other half happened after it arrived. The soundtrack of my life changed from guitars and arcade machines to the sound of AOL connecting.

You know the one.


Suddenly there were chatrooms. Screen names. Endless possibilities. Every conversation started with the same question: A/S/L?


As a tweenager, I found myself staring into a world I wasn't quite ready for.

I came from humble beginnings.


My Grandpa T-Mack…better known as "Smokey" Stephens…passed away around the time I was born. My birth father was never in the picture. My birth mother was just a kid herself, carrying a responsibility no fifteen-year-old should have to carry alone.


I spent time in foster care and bounced between homes before eventually landing with my grandmother, Joyce.

Joyce was a firecracker.


She worked at the county courthouse, where she met my grandfather. But by the time I came along, life had taken its toll. COPD. Asthma. Brain aneurysms. Most of my memories of her involve oxygen tubing and a wheelchair.


But none of that stopped her.

When she gained custody of me, she and her husband Bobby owned a little honky-tonk in East Dallas called The Junkyard Club.


To a kid, it was magic.


The place wasn't fancy. About 2,500 square feet. A full-service bar and kitchen. Cheeseburgers and fries served in hubcaps. Pool tables. Shuffleboard. An Elvira pinball machine. A Galaga cabinet tucked in the corner. Live music every Friday and Saturday night.


Grandma would bring me to the club after school while she worked the books.

I'd spend hours wearing out my wrists on Galaga while the cook fed me an endless supply of grilled cheese sandwiches. Every plate came with maraschino cherries.


The regulars all knew me.


One afternoon, an older gentleman dared me to eat a handful of jalapeños. Since Grandma didn't raise a quitter, I accepted the challenge. A few seconds later, I was sprinting through the bar screaming while tears rolled down my face. The regulars laughed. Grandma never looked up from her paperwork.


But the coolest thing in the entire place wasn't the arcade games. It was the school bus. After getting past security, you'd walk inside and immediately see it sitting on the right side of the club. A full-sized yellow school bus.


Somehow it had been disassembled, moved inside, and put back together as the centerpiece of the bar. Inside were booths and tables. But at the very front, beside the driver's seat, was The Table.


You could look out over the entire room from there.


It wasn't elevated much, but it felt like it was. To a kid, it looked important. It felt important. Like some kind of white-trash luxury suite. A little reserved sign sat on the table.


But here's what I eventually learned:

It wasn't reserved for the people with the biggest wallets.

It wasn't reserved for the loudest people.

It wasn't reserved for the owners.

It belonged to the regulars.

The people who knew everyone by name.

The ones who threw twenty dollars into the jukebox and played Creedence Clearwater Revival until everyone else was sick of hearing it.

The ones who showed up.


Again.

And again.

And again.


They had earned a seat at the table simply because they were part of the story.

Early in the evenin', just about supper time...

Down on the corner, out in the street...

Willy and the Poor Boys are playin'...


That was our place.


A place to know people and be known by them. As a kid, I didn't have the words for it. I just knew it felt different.


The smell of cigarette smoke hanging in the air.

The beer-soaked bar mats.

The sound of live music echoing through the room.

The laughter.

The conversations.

The feeling of belonging.

I felt connected.


When my grandfather died from cancer, Grandma sold the club. Eventually the building became something else. These days it's called The Lone Star Cafe. It's still there.


Back before I got sober, I'd stop by every December 21st…Joyce's birthday. I'd order her favorite drink. A margarita. No mix. Just tequila, fresh lime juice, a salted rim, and a lime wedge. Then I'd feed a few dollars into the jukebox and play CCR.


The school bus is long gone now. But when I close my eyes, I can still see it.


The band is playing. People are laughing. Someone just beat my high score on Galaga. Another guy is staring at Elvira. Pool sharks are running the tables. Sherry the bartender slides me another cup of maraschino cherries.


For a moment, life is exactly as it should be.


That's what Back Booth is about.


Back Booth is our boldest core cigar. A 5x50 Robusto wrapped in Mexican San Andrés. Medium-plus in strength. Full of character. Rich, dark, and unapologetic. My friend Austin described it as tasting like the best barbecue bark he'd ever had. Granted, he's from New York, so we'll take that review with a grain of salt.


But he wasn't wrong.


Because barbecue and cigars have a lot in common. Neither can be rushed. The best briskets aren't built in minutes. The best friendships aren't either. Both require time, patience, smoke, and a willingness to stay put longer than everyone else.


That's what the Back Booth represents.

Not exclusivity.

Not VIP status.

Not some velvet-rope version of cigar culture.

It's a seat that's available to everyone.

But it takes time to appreciate why it's special.

It's for the people who understand that the best conversations happen after everyone else has gone home.

The ones who know that community isn't built overnight.

The ones who keep showing up.

Again.

And again.

And again.

So pull up a chair.

Look out over the driver's seat.

Watch the crowd.

Catch the glow of the neon signs.

Listen as some up-and-coming band works their tail off trying to move the room.

Then take a look at the person sitting across from you.

Because moments like those don't last forever.

And that's exactly what makes them worth savoring.

So Light Up & Lean In.

Enjoy the moment because the "good 'ole days," well…you don't know you are in them until they are gone.

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